This week’s Question: Many of us have likely had those times where someone tries to help, but it ends up feeling intrusive. So, what makes an offer of support feel helpful?
(Last week we asked people to give a shout out to their biggest support. You can find the recap here.)
Responses: Jen opened up the conversation saying she was excited to see other peoples’ answers, because she wasn’t really sure what distinguished helpful from unhelpful support. She went on to say that what is good for her one day is not always something she wants at other times. Jen explains: “Somtimes I’m totally happy to share my BGs [blood glucose results] when someone asks and sometimes I decide even before the number pops up that I don’t anyone to see. I honestly don’t know what draws the line between intrusive and helping/caring.
Jaime-Lee said, in particular, “Don’t ask me if I should be eating that… if I couldn’t I wouldn’t… a lot of people confuse type 2 with type 1.” While, Virtue added “I feel like regardless of type asking that question seems more controlling than supportive. Making healthy choices WITH a person seems more helpful to me.”
Finally, Michelle added, “Unsolicited advice is usually not helpful! People should start with empathy… more listening, less directing.”
Virtue’s Take: I feel like there are so many facets to this question… What does support look like if you have diabetes? What does support look like if you are a parent of a child with diabetes? What does support look like if your partner has diabetes? Having diabetes can be really tough, but watching someone you care about have diabetes must also get difficult. In the latter, you might have all the technical information, but none of the understanding of what it actually feels like… How does a low feel? How does a high feel? I knew a lot about type one diabetes prior to my diagnosis, but I just kind of filled in the blanks with how it might actually feel to have diabetes. After developing type 1 and starting insulin and blood glucose checks… Well, some of those fill in the blanks were kind of accurate and others were no where near. So, I try to remember that when people move in to help in ways that I don’t find particularly helpful and then I try to talk them about what I would find more supportive in the future. It doesn’t always work out, and some people don’t always want to listen, but I feel like that approach– making good support more of a shared responsibility, rather than an expectation of friends and family– has helped me feel a lot less peeved when people say something that doesn’t jive with me.
Check out this great video post Ginger Vieira put together about supporting someone who has diabetes:
Also, if you find someone that is really not getting it, you might want to post this on their fridge or accidentally drop it in their bag on purpose: The Diabetes Etiquette Card for People Who DON’T have diabetes
Thanks to everyone that responded this week! And, now, what does ‘good support’ look like to you? Feel free to keep the conversation going in the comments…
